you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
