He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
