i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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