just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
