They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
