Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
