if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize