Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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