the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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