I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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