Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
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So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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