I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
