3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
3 2 1 whiskey
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
