what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
