I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
