I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
