It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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