dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
