Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
