maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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