your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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