You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
