i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
