You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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