I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
