Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
