I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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