the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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