Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
