Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
