Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
