in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
