Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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