If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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