I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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