in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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