It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
