...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
