you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
