He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
