It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
