I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
