At least make sure they are 18
Why
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
