I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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