I'm eating all of the evidence.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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