I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
