so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
