She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
