at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
