I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
