I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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