I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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She puked her nose ring out of her face.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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