come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
