I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
one might say we're banned from that church
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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