he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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