Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
