dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
