Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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