so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
