I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize