I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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