You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
