Sry I called you an 8
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
