if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
