either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
