no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
