i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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